Friday, 21 December 2012

one on a scooter, beeping his hooter

Quite a bit of colouring in going on here-
A cartoon in the festive issue of Private Eye


Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Oh, c'mon, you know it's true


It's soooo exciting!
It's almost here!!
I cannot wait!!!
That most wonderful time of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




(Just a week or so to go and the supermarkets will be full of Easter eggs- Woo hoo!)

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Lock, stock


All I wanted was a stamp- but I had to queue up for ages- the usual suspects in front of me.
sigh…

From the current Spectator magazine.


Thursday, 6 December 2012

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Milton H. Erickson


Feel a bit guilty about this one- which is in the current issue of 'The Spectator'.
I am in reality a bit of a fan of Derren Brown- this modern day combination of Catweazle and Paul Daniels- but, y' know- cartoons earn me extra dosh...


(the mag squished and distorted the image a bit to fit the column width- I guess I shouldn't complain- at least they printed it)

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

heart of darkness

Soft kitty
Warm kitty
Little ball of fur
Happy kitty
Sleepy kitty
Purr, purr, purr



Tuesday, 6 November 2012

life skills


I had to go on a training course at work once- about how to lift boxes.
To prevent injury the 'heavy' box was empty- our instructor made us lift it from point A to B- pretending it was weighed down with typical I.T. Support garbage- you know the sort of thing- old printers leaking ink- faulty desktop computer- pizza crusts, etc.
I got a certificate and everything!

Anyway- if only they taught the real skills you need in The Office.



Friday, 26 October 2012

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Rowley Birkin QC

Once upon a time I used to walk the earth- “you know, like Caine in Kung Fu- walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures."
Ahh- fond memories of being tear gassed near Damascus Gate in Jerusalem- and a friendly local pressing half an onion in my face as a way of counteracting the effects.
 
Then there was that time- stumbling lost through the jungles of Goa at 3am after an illegal rave, and finding ourselves being followed by a pack of wild dogs (we don’t talk about that short cut).
 
Oh, and what about the bus I was riding that blew up in the middle of the Sinai desert? Complicated story- the then girlfriend’s father’s accountant’s Egyptian brother in law helped us out- he was an architect I recall-  he reckoned whoever did the pyramids was overrated.
Cairo!
 
I was young then.
Nowadays I don’t venture very far- unless it’s civilised (be seeing you again soon, Stockholm!)
Maybe I should see a bit more of my own country- I hardly ever leave the Thames Valley- I’ve heard that some parts up north can be quite picturesque…
 
 

Friday, 12 October 2012

Not a cat

What is it with those 'Golf Sale' signs you see in the Great British High Street?
I'm sure the sort of people who are into that particular game aren't short of a bob or two.
Odd...
Anyway- here's a cartoon in the current Spectator.


Friday, 28 September 2012

The Snooty Fox


Day off from the day job today- the perfect opportunity to catch up with the cartooning- think up new ideas! draw loads of cartoons! do some 'fine' art too, perhaps!
So, I went to the pub for lunch.
Good grub- this fellow thought so too, and tried to steal my gammon steak through the power of hypnosis that all cats possess.


(Didn’t get round to drawing anything in the end- too much telly to watch...I don't actually like drawing, truth be told- shh! don't tell anyone)

Monday, 17 September 2012

Eugene

Autumnal chill to the air- shorter days- gloom...(Woo hoo!)
But, for those of you who don't like the darkness, here's a cartoon from The Spectator with a nice splash of colour.
 

 

Thursday, 13 September 2012

No Fun

Here's an unpublished one- couldn't find a buyer- what was I trying to say with it? ermm...probably something about society-blah blah- "Get orf moi laaand- stop!- Hey, don't do that!- careful now...- mine, not yours- is it safe?- no trespassing!"
I dunno.
Tried to conjure up the spirit of Sir John Tenniel in the drawing- meh! I wish...he was a proper draughtsman.


Friday, 7 September 2012

School is no longer out for summer


OK- this one I've posted because I think the colouring in is quite nice- it's in the latest Private Eye magazine.
However, it will make no sense unless you are familiar with a certain painting by Raphael, and also the odd system in the UK that gets some kids into their choice of school.
(Don't be scared- I'm sure there will be some talking cats on this blog soon)


Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Garlic Bread?

Not far from LenCartoons Towers is a very famous eaterie- the Heston Services- aka The Fat Duck.
I'm quite happy with Egg McMuffin as my meal of choice, so i've never eaten there- but the chef is quite famous. For those of you confused by the toon it might be worth image googling him- hopefully it might make more sense if you do so.
 
 
 
(This one ended up in last week's Spectator)

Thursday, 23 August 2012

18 years

One for all you new parents out there...




(this one is in the current issue of The Spectator)

Thursday, 16 August 2012

theme from M.A.S.H.

Well- it's been all about the Olympics for the past few weeks- couldn't get away from it- even had it on in our subterranean office at work (ah, the advantages of working in I.T. -you're hidden away in a basement and can have the telly on without people realising it)
But- it also meant I've been a bit sidetracked from the cartooning when at home- not drawn anything for about 2 weeks- but, fear not! I have some stuff in print- Private Eye magazine has a bumper summer fun edition full of cartoons! And they've used a couple of mine- all jolly and summery... about death and suicide- woop!
For example


(I drew this one back in September 2011- just as well I’m a patient sort of bloke- sigh...)

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

can't think of title

Too hot- stupid weather- (but at least I had an afternoon away from the IT Support H.Q. bunker)
Brain too boiled to think of anything new.
So, here are some I did earlier- they appeared in recent editions of The Spectator.








The car one you can easily google if you don't get it- but it's about Liz the 1st having the hots for Errol Flynn, or something (no, there's no caption, before you ask).

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Have a banana

Another excuse to put on the new(ish) whistle a couple of nights ago- had an invite to the Oldie magazine's 20th birthday drinks at Simpson's in the Strand, London. The event was also to mark the publication of their book 'The Best of the Oldie 1992-2012'. The book contains a couple of my cartoons.



I didn't know anyone there- so I hovered about near the free drinks, and dipped in to the plates of crisps every now n then, before calling it a night- ah, the glamorous life of the freelance cartoonist...

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

it's the thought that counts

OK- enough cats- this blog is meant to be about cartoons.
This is the other one that is in the current Reader's Digest- I thought I'd post it because it brings up the issue of the interpretation of a gag.
One of the chaps I work with told me he thought it was something about the bloke having killed the granny, in order to get hold of the ring...well, that's just sick, Brian…what's the matter with you? Jeez!
The point I'm trying to make is that matey boy doesn’t have the ring to hand- but he knows where it is...what's wrong with that?



Tuesday, 3 July 2012

FPP

Pah! Cartooning put on hold for a few days- I have a visitor for a week- and my working processes are being interrupted a tad...


(how am I supposed to work in these conditions?!?!)

Sunday, 24 June 2012

win stuff


Roll up, roll up!
Time to be lucky lucky lucky- win ££££££££££££££££'s!
Pin a caption on this cartoon of mine at http://www.readersdigest.co.uk/caption for a chance to win stuff via those lovely people at Reader's Digest.


Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Nice


Top notch day today- 
Sunny weather- not going to work- day at the races at Royal Ascot with some good mates-  1 winner and one each way (woop woop!)- pizza about to be eaten- cold beers in fridge- Euro 2012 with England playing on telly later...and Prospect magazine waiting for me on the doormat, with this cartoon of mine in it.


Wednesday, 6 June 2012

You lose it here and you're in a world of hurt

What day is it? I have no idea. It seems weeks now that I have been trapped in this wild and untamed land. I plunge further into the green hell- yet another barbed plant rips into my flesh- my pain mocked by its garish flowers nodding at me as the stem whips back and forth. I feel I can go no further and collapse, defeated.
Face down in the mud, breathing in the stench of rotting vegetable matter, I reflect on past glories.
There aren't any.
Sigh...Time to die.
An animal approaches...stealthily- ominously. Perhaps my end will be mercifully quick.
"Miaow"
I sit upright in shock, and relief- it's fluffy white cat! The last time I had seen him was all that time ago when I came down to the end of the garden, with the intention of cutting down these overgrown brambles. Before I knew it I'd got lost somewhere past the Bramley apple tree. I had foolishly left the path in the hope of finding the rhubarb I'd heard rumours of.
I must have wandered in circles, as day turned to evening- evening to night- night to the next day, and, well, you get the idea.
Weeping with joy I grab fluffy cat's fluffy white tail, and he pulls me out of the forest, across the lawn, and eventually to the safety of the patio doors.
So, a cup of tea later, here I am- back on the blog- and here's a cartoon about forests (sort of). One of 3 I have in the latest 'double' edition of The Spectator.

The reproduction in the mag is missing a lot of the colouring in I did, so this is the full teknicolor version

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

pumiced you a miracle

Thought I might have missed the boat with this one- it being based on a fad for piscine foot pampering which is no longer that popular (it was when I drew it). Reader's Digest has it in their latest issue.


For some reason I found myself making "arr!" pirate utterances (of the Robert Newton type) as I drew it.


Tuesday, 22 May 2012

skinny genes

I'm not sure if I've written on this blog that much about how I draw these things...maybe I have, but I've forgotten- such is the way of old age...sigh.
Anyroadup- wot I do, like, is scribble things into an ancient version of Flash, via an equally geriatric graphics tablet, and then spend ages tidying the resulting mess into something half decent- finished off with a bit of digital watercolour. I can spend hours tweaking a nose- sometimes days amending an elbow- just to get that 'dashed off in a minute' spontaneous feel.
It drives me mental.
But...sometimes…I get lucky- and the initial scritchy scratchy sketch is just right in my mind- such as this one. It's in the latest Prospect magazine.
Think this one took a few minutes.


It's always nice when an editor chooses your stuff- but they have layouts and things to consider- so I suppose it’s understandable that they had to squish and stretch my skinny design into a column width.
What you see above is the original skinny design. With this sort of gag I couldn’t see the point of adding superfluous detail- it’s all about the relationship between the two characters.
I dunno- I s’pose I could have added a sofa or something...?
Meh!

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Song of the South

Getting a few cartoons in print again- here's one from the most recent Oldie magazine.


Could have done with a pair of running shoes last night- a friend and I ended up legging it around a multi storey car park in Windsor, trying to rescue a wild baby rabbit, who had somehow found his way to the 3rd floor. Yes, it was after visiting the pub, but we were sober, so it was no hallucination.
Brer rabbit was eventually caught- we released him where other rabbits hang out- so it was a happy ending.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Freeze

Friday morning was a slightly hungover wander around the Damien Hirst exhibition at the Tate modern, London
I think he first made an impact on the art scene back in the late 80's/early 90's.
Which is approximately the time I drew this cartoon- I think it appeared in Punch magazine (not 100% sure, though)

Rare work of art this! Ink on paper, rather than computer vector graphic on flat screen monitor

Sunday, 22 April 2012

I hate you Butler

Pah!
Here I am watching Reg Varney's comedy genius on 'Holiday On The Buses' via Channel Berk, and my enjoyment is ruined by ads every 10 minutes- some halfwit shouting about "PAY DAY LOANS EVER SO EASY NOW JUST ASK US FOR MONEY WE WON’T ASK FOR IT BACK(*small print "this is a lie"*)!!!!"- or some perfect family grinning inanely at each other as they eat JUICYMEATINABAGITSSOJUICYYUMYUM (and somehow their cut glass English accented words not quite fitting the movement of their Euro mouths).

TV has become what we used to laugh at when Chris Tarrant or Clive James poked fun at rubbish foreign telly back in the 80's.
Hey- but at least it's in 3D Hi Def, right? Woop woop!!


This made it to the Australian version of The Spectator- so, it must mean telly is as bad out there too...but at least they have the option of going outside and catching some sun instead.
Pah!

Sunday, 15 April 2012

waffle

I haven't been posting much recently- it's the usual 'not a lot in print' excuse.
Also, the past month or so was a bit of a non cartoon time- I couldn't think of any ideas- so, rather than sulk, I tried to improve my drawing techniques: lots of charcoal sketching- dip pen stabbing- getting angry with water colour ineptitude.
I eventually got fed up with that too. So, to try and give the part of my 'brain' that deals with visual stuff a rest, I broke out the music gear- I am an excellent guitarist! but only in the way that Dave Lister is (you'll have to Google that, probably).
Eventually the neighbours came round and set fire to my amplifier.
Back to the toons- forced myself to sit down and have a thinking session, and somehow managed to come up with some stuff- just got to draw the damn things now.
It'll be a while before anything appears, so in the meantime here's a reject- came about after noticing how people on trains are no longer happy with just their own thoughts and staring out the window.


Just realised how bad this cartoon is- that's meant to be a tube train- how'd they get a signal???
Useless.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Why Don't You...

I think summer has been and gone- those couple of weeks in March- hope you took advantage of it!
Of course, weather was much nicer back in my youth- although, I think I just stayed in and watched telly mostly.
Fresh air is overrated.

A cartoon from Private Eye-


Saturday, 24 March 2012

plug

phew- it's too hot outside- what I ought to do is sit indoors with a cup of tea, and read the latest issue of Private Eye magazine.
It's chock full of witty stuff, funny little drawings, and clever journalism- well worth £1.50- you might find something like the following cartoon inside- go out and buy a copy!

Sunday, 18 March 2012

snug

Still here- sorry for not putting much online recently.
That's what happens when you fall down the ice pit on Badger Island- but that's another story...

Anyway- what was this blog about?
It's been a while- let me have a read...
Blah blah blah- oh, yes- cartoons.

Nothing new in print right now- quite a few things are hanging about in the magazine filing cabinets- but I have no idea when/if they will actually be used.
So- to fill a bit of space, here's one that never found a home


Other than not being very good, maybe it was too subtle- maybe I should have coloured the 'Kids Welcome' bit, to make it stand out- maybe I should have made the kid a bit clearer in the second panel-maybe I should have thought of a better cartoon in the first place...maybe I should have studied harder at school and got a proper job...

Monday, 20 February 2012

cheesypeas

Hmmm..need to think up, and draw more new cartoons..must not procrastinate...
Must not waste time on this blog...

D'oh!

Here's a cartoon from the current Spectator-


Friday, 10 February 2012

o' nine tails

Too many cats on this blog lately- so here's a cartoon without one (although there might be a ship's cat somewhere I s'pose)
This is one of two cartoons in the latest Private Eye magazine.


Sunday, 22 January 2012

win money

Time to win money again, you lucky things.
One of my cartoons is being used for the current Reader's Digest competition 'Beat the Cartoonist'.
This is the cartoon


Competition is here
http://www.readersdigest.co.uk/caption.html
Good luck

Friday, 20 January 2012

Everyone's a critic

Aggh!!!
This sketchy charcoal doodling is rubbish! 
It makes me twist in critical rage and torment!



I must attack, and kill!



Monday, 16 January 2012

no signal

here's a cartoon that did get accepted- in the latest issue of The Oldie