Saturday, 24 December 2016

Summer breeze

Here are a couple of toons drawn way back in August. There is a reason they have not appeared before now. Might be something to do with the subject.

Private Eye magazine puts out their call for Christmas card ideas a good few months in advance. They took one of my ideas for a card. Woo hoo! They also took one of the other designs to use in the festive edition of the magazine- Another woo hoo!

Here is the card-

An email from them the other day- sadly they could not find room in the magazine for the other cartoon.
Quite apt really considering the subject.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Fairy Tales

Here's a toon from the Spectator a few weeks back.

Sunday, 11 December 2016

My brother loved a good party- and it is currently the party season- those couple of weeks just before Christmas.
Too much wine is drunk- inhibitions gone...
But these days you have to be careful with some traditions.

A cartoon in the Spectator.

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Will post some cartoons again soon. Now is not the time though.

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Parental Guidance

I have a couple of cartoons in the current Private Eye magazine.
They asked if they could tweak my original caption for this one- and I have to admit theirs is better.
Mine being, 'I never realised Granny and Grandad were so into sex and violence.'
This is what was printed.

Thursday, 20 October 2016

Shameless promotion

Christmas will be upon us soon- before you know it!
Panic buy now!!
This looks a good gift option!!!
I am in it!!!!
Only one cartoon (boo!), but it's quite prominent (woo hoo!)

Sunday, 16 October 2016

Tin Foil Hat

I write this blog from a cabin in the wilderness.

I don't have the internet. These posts are written on a typewriter and sent via snail mail to some bloke in Karachi who uploads them.

There are people out there who want to steal your digital soul.
I am off-grid.
They ain't stealing nuthin of mine!

A cartoon in The Oldie magazine.

Friday, 30 September 2016

Goddess on the mountain top

I really don't make things easy for myself with my cartoons sometimes.
Just finished one where I had to recreate a painting by Rubens.
I think I have said this before, but why can’t I just draw stickmen?
And it's probably not funny either.
The subject might be too niche- yet another art history related one.
I won't post it just yet.

In the meantime here is another niche, art related cartoon- it did not sell.
In my living room I have a print of The Rokeby Venus painting by Velazquez. It's also known as The toilet of Venus/ Venus at her toilet.

My childish sense of humour resulted in this cartoon.

Thursday, 15 September 2016

"Zed's dead, baby- Zed's dead"

I work in a basement.
My job is in I.T. support, so it is the law that I must be housed in such a place.
It's not great. No natural light or air.
Once or twice a year the pipes from the toilets above us leak.
The odd mouse shows up every now n again to lighten the mood.

Anyway... apparently one of the most popular type of housing extensions (in London at least ) is the basement extension.
One day I wondered why this might be.
Here is a cartoon in the current Private Eye magazine.

Friday, 2 September 2016

And this is me...

News item in the UK last week: 
"Mediterranean diet better for the heart than taking statins, major study suggests"

Is this really new news?

Here's a cartoon I had rejected by everyone a year or so back.

(bloke on sofa modelled by self)

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Merry Christmas, almost

One of the hottest days of the summer (in this part of the UK at least), and here I am trying to channel festive thoughts of Christmassy-ness. Yup, it's that time of year when Private Eye magazine calls for ideas for their Christmas cards. I tried to get into the Yuletide spirit by attaching some toy antlers to next door's cat, but all I got from this was scratched and bloodied arms.
Ho hum- off to Youtube then- some Greg Lake ripping off Prokofiev's 'Troika'- a bit of Frankie's 'Power of Love'- and maybe Jona Lewie stopping his cavalry to finish off.
Ho Ho, er... Ho!

Sunday, 21 August 2016

Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate

My computer went 'bang'- I have only just finished repairing it.
It was only out of action for a day, so I can't really blame my lack of cartooning and blogging on this.
I think my tooning tardiness is more down to the time I've been spending on my late in life fitness fanaticism.
I've mentioned the Krav Maga self-defence and Cross Fit things previously- now I can add yoga to the list of ways I am trying to avoid drawing.
Some might think combat defence and yoga a strange mix of disciplines, but now when I use my Krav skills to stamp on a ne'er-do-well's windpipe I can feel serene whilst doing so.

I guess I'd best post a cartoon- It's been a while...
Here's a fitness related one that I could not sell. It needs some familiarity with wearable fitness technology and Dante's 14th century poem about Hell
I guess it did not find a home for a few reasons- not being funny being the main one I s'pose.

Friday, 5 August 2016

'She's the shape of a cigarette...'

No cartoons for the moment- I have been trying some 1950's-ish fashion illustration drawings recently.
I am not sure why I am drawn (forgive the pun) to fashion illustration.
I hate buying clothes, and my own personal style is more Albert Steptoe than Cary Grant. are a couple of sketchy efforts.

Thursday, 21 July 2016

The Enlightenment

I usually go to my after-work Krav Maga fight club tonight.
Had to give it a miss this time- my excuse being toon admin, and drawings to be getting on with.
Or, maybe I am getting tired of being thumped by angry ladies fed up with how I have not fixed their broken computers.
I'm considering taking up something a little calmer- maybe some yoga.
The soothing embrace of spirituality might be what I need, rather than the touch-of-death headlock.
Who knows, maybe I will end up like these fellows- currently trying to find themselves in a cartoon of mine in this week's Private Eye magazine.

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

Lashings of ginger beer

Apparently we live in an age of superfast digital highway instant media streaming 24/7-ness!! (or something).
Here's a cartoon that has just been published this month.
I sent it to the magazine 6 years ago.
I probably shouldn't have used carrier pigeon.

You'll have to be familiar with the books by Mrs Blyton to get this.

(Blimey- my signature was a bit oversized back then, wasn't it?)

Monday, 11 July 2016

Luton Airport

I sort of took June off in a cartooning sense- but now it is back to the drawing board (well, graphics tablet and stylus).
My mini trips are over.
One week I was here in Lisbon, about to audition for a Campari advert...

and a few days after I was in Copenhagen, where I didn't need so much sunscreen.

Europe... So long, it was good to know yuh.

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Metal Mickey

This one of mine appeared in Private Eye a couple of weeks ago.

My day job is in IT, but in a very dull kinda way.
Sometimes I think the coffee machine is the most complicated piece of kit I use.
I am not sure how 'Mr QuikBlend' would benefit from reaching a higher plane of being.

Think on, science types!

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Keep it simple, stupid.

This cartoon appears in the current issue of Private Eye.
I was glad it was taken, as I wasn't sure if people would get it.
You don't, do you?

I'll explain.
Modern communication some people are so keen to text/e-mail/instasnapwhatschat photos of things that would probably put you off your breakfast.
Does human nature change?
Would older means of communications and media have been used in a similar way when they were new?

The drawing was tricky enough (is it obvious the scene is from times past? hmm, not sure...let's chuck in some background detail), but I also found myself agonising over the caption.

Should I use actual names, but then risk referencing real people?
Or should I just use the 'Lord' and 'Lady' titles?
Should I use other titles: Baron/Viscount/Earl? 
How should you use titles? (I mean, do you know what sort of angry letters appear in the magazine's 'Pedant's Corner' over this sort of thing!?)
Ages spent on t'internet: courtesy titles- the capitalisation of the definitive article 'The' even in middle of a sentence when used before the honorific prefix. Agghh!!!

Why can't I just do simple?
I'm off to have a lie down.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Serra de Tramuntana

Regular visitors will know that this blog often veers off on to 'things' other than toons- such as my holiday snaps.
Just got back from Mallorca.
It has lovely beaches and clear blue seas.
I  kept well away from such things- although I could just about glimpse some in the distance as I punished myself with hikes in the hills.

(Thankfully it is back to work tomorrow- I'll be able to put me feet up and have a rest)

Friday, 3 June 2016

High on a hill...

Hello to you, my five or so viewers- apologies for the lack of posts recently.
I have been busy honing my flabby body into... a still flabby body, but with minor injuries and pulled muscles.

Cross fit and Krav Maga are the culprits (or Cross Stitch and Mardi Gras, as my oh-so-funny 'friends' call them. Shut it! I am the professional humourist).
Nothing new in print recently, but I have some stuff coming up soon having made some decent sales recently.
I will be able to stock up on the Pot Noodles and no longer go hungry. Result!
In the meantime, here is a 'sort of sold, but not really' cartoon.
One of the UK mags I appear in has a habit of accepting toons, but then never printing them. Which is a bit of a pain, seeing as payment is on publication.

Maybe they decided people wouldn't get it, and canned it.
It's a rare (for me) caption-less cartoon.

Does it need explanation?
Indoor climbing wall...who would be interested in using it???

Looks good fun- maybe a new way for me to injure this old carcass of mine.
Perhaps I should ask the Sports&Social Club if they can get hold of one.

Thursday, 28 April 2016


No cartoons of mine anywhere lately- but I am mentioned in the current Private Eye magazine.

Here's a snippet from their letters page:

Thursday, 14 April 2016

No, that is not James May from Top Gear (as it was) holding the sword

Apart from this blog I keep clear of social media.
All that Facebooking/Twittering/Snapchatting/Instagramming (insert latest one I am too old to have heard of) just seem too open to abuse.
Someone posts a comment online, or does something or other out of the ordinary- someone else takes offence- it all kicks off.

I have this cartoon in the latest Private Eye magazine.
What is it about?
Probably something to do with worrying about the opinion of strangers.

Some of you might recognise the composition stolen borrowed from this:

Sunday, 3 April 2016


Spent a bit of time on this cartoon.
I was about to colour it in.
Then I had a browse through the latest Oldie magazine.
It has a cartoon in it that is based on the same idea- it's not identical, but too close for me to send mine on to any other mag.
What are the odds? Two cartoonists at the same time coming up with a Hansel & Gretel / WiFi gag?


Monday, 28 March 2016

Buzzy McBuzzface

A little while ago I posted a pic on this blog of the beginnings of a mini-sculpture project- the clockwork 'dragonfly'.
It's made up from bits of clock innards, costume jewellery and dip pen nibs.

I spent far too much time on it, but finally it is finished.

Top view

Side view

OK- so it doesn't have the full complement of wings and legs that a real dragonfly would have, but whatever!
Not sure why I did this- but it was a nice change from the cartooning.

Charity shop bell jar, and dead bonsai tree

Gonna change the base tho'- need to find a dead tree branch (silver birch maybe??) to saw into shape I reckon.

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

Ecky Thump

When I am not getting beaten up in my Krav Maga self-defence lessons I've been rather enjoying Game of Thrones.

Has this cod-mediaeval sword and sorcery nonsense messed with my mind??

Here are two cartoons of mine in the latest Private Eye magazine.

Sunday, 14 February 2016

I could always get a paper round, I suppose

Ho hum... Another cartoon market bites the dust.
Just found out that the new-look Playboy magazine is to drop cartoons.

No more will this bald, middle-aged bloke be able to confuse people by telling them- "I'm appearing in Playboy this month!"

I only had a few things published by them- it's a shame there will no more opportunities (and also no more decent sized cheques in the post).

Here are a couple of the 'safe for work' ones

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

In Living Colour

Not much new in print right now- I have been busy after work at Fight Club.
So far I have learnt how to get beaten up by my co-workers.
(why do I put myself through these things??)

On to something a bit more 'mindful' in this next cartoon- from The Spectator magazine a few weeks back.
It's all about he trend for colouring-in books for grown-ups.
I think it is about finding inner calm.
I don't really get it- why can't people just drink alcohol?

Monday, 25 January 2016

Grammar school

These two cartoons from the current Private Eye magazine reveal the struggle behind the caption.
My grammar is rather hopeless, and my captions can sometimes waffle on and on.

Here is one of the toons, with my final caption.

The rather less elegant original was something like: "When we downsized from the cottage to a flat I rather assumed you would be giving up the bees."
I was a bit unsure about cutting it, but I hope the more concise version is better.

This next one is an example of the magazine tweaking the caption.
This is how it appears in print...

My original being: "I'll be glad to see the back of winter- I'm sick of it being so dark all the time."

A subtle difference.
But I am not one to complain- at least these lovely ladies got to see themselves in print.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

Beware the mainspring

Happy New Year! to the five of you who visit this blog.

Here is a non-cartoon again.
I've started tinkering with creating stuff out of junk (some might say my cartoons come under this category, but hey).

A work in progress- going to be some sort of dragonfly from bits of metal and clock parts.