Heisenberg

Sorry- too many obscure video clips lately- so here's a cartoon.

This is the cartoon I cropped and amended for Private Eye to use for their spoof advert- as mentioned in a previous post.

Los Pollos Hermanos

So...'Breaking Bad'- best TV show ever? 

In my ever so humble opinion it's up there with the greats*.

Which is why I didn't mind when Private Eye asked if they could crop a cartoon I had sent to them- so they could use it for a spoof ad in their current Christmas edition.

Yar 'tis

*let us not forget 'Mary, Mungo and Midge', 'Pipkins', 'The Sullivans'.

All that scratching is making me itch

Yay! It's Christmas time- when the magazines have their festive special editions on sale.

The Spectator magazine has one of my cartoons in their jingle bell themed issue- here it is!

(Maybe that bloke had too many office parties)

Season's Greetings

It's almost Christmas- so here's a cartoon about a military dictator.

(from the current issue of Private Eye)

Lobb

A few years back I was made redundant and found myself unemployed. In between job interviews (oh, OK- watching property renovation telly progs) I would enter competitions online. It was an attempt to win food and not starve.

I won a pair of padded cycling shorts.

Now I have won something again- and this time it's much more palatable (part of the prize was a bottle of gin).

One of my cartoons has been chosen by The Spectator as the winning entry for their '2013 Michael Heath Award for Cartooning'.

http://www.spectator.co.uk/features/9092621/the-2013-michael-heath-award-for-cartooning-3/

The theme for the award was 'Man in Motion', and this is my interpretation.

Huge thanks to The Spectator

no reason...*cough*

It's (almost) that most wonderful time of the year.

We are reminded of the important things in life- such as 'corporate strategy', and 'difficult decisions that address pressures on business'.

Yes! It's when companies announce redundancy plans- always seems to be around Christmas, doesn't it?

Bless them- they just want to make sure mums and dads can be at home and spend more time with the kids.

Trisha Yates

Looks like I've run out of books to plug- hence lack of posts recently.

Here's a cartoon to fill the void.

(from the current Spectator magazine)

shameless self promotion

Having trouble recalling what went on in the world this past year?

Well- here's a handy book that can help you out!

In the shops now.

I have a couple of things in there- such as this groanworthy drawing...

Spock

Haven’t posted a failure for a while- so here’s one.

Couldn't sell it.

I don’t care though- it still makes me laugh.

wrinkle

Not enough toons on this blog lately-  so here's one.

(in the current Spectator magazine)

coffee table

Much fun in Soho last Tuesday night at the launch of Private Eye's new book:

Met loads of great cartoonists- and there was a free bar- result!

Christmas is coming- It'll make the perfect gift, so go and buy a copy- there's loads of great work in there- five decades' worth in fact.

"Difficult to reach culvert"

Ah...the internet.

One of the greatest inventions of modern times?

Perhaps.

I suppose it's made videos of cats falling off things available to everyone.

And it is how you can read this rambling blog post.

But! How is it held together?

Digital bits of information speeding at the speed of light through glass fibre optics!

Hmmm... maybe- unless you're in the UK.

Here it's sticky tape and string.

My land line went bust two weeks ago, and only today have I seen evidence of someone trying to fix it- couple of blokes outside with a digger and a hammer.

This blog post (cartoon from current Spectator) has been sent by pigeon.

waffle

Sometimes I fret that my captions can be a bit long.

Sometimes it's the only way...

(From the current Private Eye magazine)

Richfield Avenue

Thankfully it's no longer bright daylight at nighttime.

Woop!

Stupid Summer is on its way out! After my usual period of inactivity at this time of year I have just sent 21 cartoons out on their way to be judged by the all powerful cartoon editors. I'll let you know how they get on.

The Reading Festival ( 'the world's oldest popular music festival still in existence'...thank you Wikipedia) is this weekend- that always heralded Autumn for me- standing in a field in an industrial estate north of the town centre and getting your lugholes assaulted by bands such as 'Nosebleed Agony'- then you realise that its dark and freezing by the time the headliners show up.

I've no idea who is top of the bill this year.

If I was there I'd be at one of the catering concessions- banging on about "this isn't music- you can't even hear the words!"

Food...mmm...yum!

Here's a cartoon!

not a cartoon

Here's a pic of me (almost)  and the Stockholm hotel boat-

Interiors..

No cartoons for the moment- I'm in one of my 'fed up with cartooning' phases. Since coming back from the Scandinavia I've been carving trees instead.

Mälardrottningen

Just back from another trip to Stockholm- stayed on a yacht/hotel built in the 1920's (was an 18th birthday present to Woolworth heiress Barbara Hutton). It was all polished wood and brass, evocative of a bygone age. At breakfast I half expected Hercule Poirot to clamp a hand on my shoulder and accuse me of some kind of over elaborate murder- "J'accuse! You, with the buttered croissant and the laundry maid!"

The trip was fun- but I hate packing and double checking everything before I leave for the airport.

A cartoon of mine from Private Eye...this one has proved quite popular.

slave labour

a cartoon...i draw them every now n then y'know

hashtag

After a month of inaction I finally drew a new cartoon yesterday. If I bothered using my Twitter account that might have been worthy of a tweet I suppose- but I don't use it, so I didn't.

Seems too much effort that Twtting stuff- this blog's exhausting enough as it is.

(this isn't the new cartoon by the way- it was in the Spectator a few weeks ago)

 

 

 

Carry On Constable

Thought i should post a cartoon for a change- as fun as Kitten Kong might be this blog is sposed to be about my scribblings after all- here's one drawn a few weeks ago- it is in the current Spectator magazine.

trike

It's too hot to stay in and draw cartoons- so on Saturday I had a wander about London.

Looking at this landmark all I could think of was a giant white kitten.

You have to be British and of a certain vintage to understand...(oh- and recall a specific telly programme)

Blank

So, the longest day has been and gone- thankfully the nights will arrive earlier soon, and I will once more be able to think of cartoon ideas in the gloom.

Stupid summer and its staying light til late!

Pah!

Not drawn much recently, but I do have stuff floating around.

This one is from The Spectator last week.

I dunno what all this 'surveillance state' fuss is about- just sit (or be forced to stand up if you are in the UK) in a train and you’ll end up being able to eavesdrop on VERY LOUDLY SPOKEN private phone conversations without computer trickery.

And, you know what- it's all dull dull dull:

"Yeah...it was like, amaaazing- Tamzin wuz sooo out of it- anyway- I had a big mac...eh? yeah from the one round the corner...nah, no chips…classic night out- it was proper mental isn’t it...look, babes, gotta go- the secretary general of the United Nations is trying to ring me- yeah, I know...it's been bonkers since I won that wotsitsface peace prize...laterrrrs!!"

Summer fun- time to hit the beach!!

"...you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then..."

Frankie says...

I thought it might be interesting (we'll be the judge of that, Len) to compare and contrast a new cartoon against the 3 year old toon in the previous post.
This one is in a recent Private Eye.

 

It probably looks a bit more slapdash- maybe less effort than the Enery 8th one?
Man alive- I wish!
Probably a day of ctrl z, edit undo, layer upon layer, cut delete copy paste, import, resize...aghh!!!!
Hmm... this finally looks OK.
I don't find it funny anymore.
And that, anonymous cyber reader, is how you (OK- maybe it's just me) draw a cartoon on a computer.

six weddings and a few funerals

Her Maj is on telly at the moment- something about being in Coronation Street 60 years ago?? Not really sure.

An excuse to shoehorn this cartoon into the blog.

It relies on you being able to recognise who it's meant to be- and to know a bit about his relationship issues.

This one had a bit of a sneak preview many many posts ago on the blog- I thought it was a dead duck, but 3 years after it was drawn it has finally found a home with Saga.

"Everybody, remember where we parked"

Nothing new in print this week.

Too busy to draw anything cos I've been loafing about in this amazing sunny weather that the UK has been basking in currently.

Yeah, right...

So, anyway- the new Star Trek film- wos that all about, then? Why didn't the goodies just use the same teleport thing that Sherlock used to get to that death star place- instead of relying on Starbug's ropey improbability drive??

The magic of cinema, eh!?

can't even think of a title

Bah- I don't like this month- it seems I get stuck in a quagmire of no cartoon ideas. Only drawn 4 in about 3 weeks- and last year I only managed 4 in total for the whole of May, so obviously something ain't working (my imagination, it appears).
Just as well I have the day job in the basement turning computers off and on again to pay for the Pot Noodles.

Anything appearing in print recently is likely to have been drawn a while back- such as this one- drawn in December last year, it appeared a couple of weeks ago in The Oldie.

 

 

Siriously

OK- enough of self regarding nonsense-this blog is meant to be about cartoons, I think...
Here's yet another one about stroppy kids- it's in the current Spectator magazine.

botulism, no doubt

It occurred to me the other day that I've never posted a pic of meself on this blog.

So, counter to popular demand- here I am!

 

 

A hot day for a change-  grilling some dodgy cheap supermarket meat on an equally cheap disposable BBQ.

Mmm...how good was it?

Well- all the cats that normally bother me in the garden steered well clear.

Wise critters, cats

Move over, Spielberg

I spent ages animating these characters on the computer- you'd never know it's all computer special effects, would you! I even made the background of the garden really scruffy and unkempt to give it a realistic feel.

(Sound effects lifted from an old Springwatch)

Frock n Roll

Heh- So, a day after posting the goth cartoon, I found myself at an evening of goth cabaret. Was good fun. The finale of teh kids joining Voltaire on stage for a sing along of 'When You're Evil' was like watching a delightfully different version of 'Glee'.

Bless their little Priest Black cotton socks.

Subterranean wears the coolest camouflage

This one came about after a news report that the police are to classify attacks on goths, emos and punks as hate crimes.

It's in the current issue of Private Eye.

(I'm still not sure what an emo is. Is it something like an Ewok? I dunno- it's all changed since my days of hanging about with my Snakebite n Black drinking- gladiator boots wearing- sleeping in graveyards chums in Maidenhead...)

Torment

I've said it before, I'll say it again: THIS IS NOT MY CAT!

Why must it torment me?!?!
I need to sit there!

Agghh!!!

Brave New Town

A cartoon in the current Spectator magazine- the idea popped into my head after walking through my local town centre mid week.

Exodus

Here you go- mixing up a bit of Old Testament with fashion- from the latest Reader's Digest.

Girls, eh!

Heh- I shouldn't mock too much. Many years ago I wandered about those biblical lands (first trip abroad?? maybe...) - Being clever n all that, I knew it was a desert land, so obviously I should wear 'Desert Boots'.

A more clued up person would have realised that, despite the name, Desert Boots bought from Freeman, Hardy and Willis in the local shopping precinct might not be suitable for trudging through the Sinai.

Yakety Sax

Couldn't sell this one- I expect the joke was rubbish, so I've left the caption missing (it was quite harmless- stop putting your own mucky thoughts on to it!).

I was quite pleased with the drawing though- it's a bit of a departure from my usual style, so rather than letting it virtually rust on my PC hard drive I thought it should see a bit of cyber light on t'blog.

British Summer Time

Hmmm... I'm beginning to question the wisdom of coming up with this one (in Private Eye at the mo).

Sir Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes used to be in the SAS, and apparently specialised in explosives.

Hope he doesn't take offence (gulp!).

Tomkinson's Schooldays

More 'orrible kids- it's a rich vein I will continue to mine.

Reader's Digest took this one.

The mild cigar

Had fun drawing this one- went a bit beyond the usual scritchy scratch style.
It's in the current issue of The Spectator.
And to think I was worried my time studying art history was a waste of time.

I know, I know- what it's all about, eh??
http://www2.tate.org.uk/ophelia/

Surly Sue

Here you go- a cartoon for a change (far too much photo and music posts recently).

The Oldie took this one.

Tch- Kids, eh!

Asmodeus

The cat hates my drawings.
It was only a sketch.
Now it is dust.

It's not even my cat.

Alpha and Omega

Friday was a night off from the drawing tablet and computer. I trekked into that London to see this:

http://www.somersethouse.org.uk/performance/in-the-beginning-was-the-end

Kind of hard to describe- an immersive theatrical happening- sort of like those 'mess with your head' things Derren Brown does to impressionable types. All took place in the bowels of Somerset House- on the Strand, London. Have I ever mentioned I once studied art hist...(yes! Shut Up!)...oh, ok- back to the plot.

Well- there isn't really a plot- I think... i'm not sure- anyway,  if you're close enough to go, and if they have tickets still, I’d recommend going.

Somerset House is a nice place to visit at any time actually.

Pah! When I was studying there that nice courtyard was a car park for the Inland Revenue workers who once inhabited the lovely old building.

Don't fret- some cartoons soon- had a couple of weeks off from drawing- had a bit of a blank spell, but the ideas trickling back again slowly.

Reading/Washington Heights

It only seems like yesterday when I was jumping around in ‘indie’ disco clubs- long hair flailing to the beat of Pop Will Eat Itself.

Nowadays it’s all about the comfy armchair.

(Ahh- that’s a nice cup of tea…)

Here's a toon from the current Spectator magazine-

paradise lost

I had a complaint recently about my cartoons- from a friend.

He reckons the women I draw are too skinny.

It’s not my fault- they have to be squeezed into the tiny spaces the magazines allocate for cartoons. My artistic hand is forced by layout restrictions…

Anyway-here’s a colorized version of a B&W cartoon in the latest Private Eye magazine. (Yeah- you might have a point, I spose)

My Bloody Valentine

 

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, naught could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend

 

 



Kling Klang

Although I'm quite fortunate to have a few cartoons in print right now, I thought I'd mention a non seller.

This one is a personal favourite of mine- but when I thought it up I had my doubts it would ever sell.

I drew it anyway.

This will mean nothing to you if you weren't raised on 1970's British children's television.
Blimey- talk about restricting your market...
I was proved right- no one took it- despite a couple of editors saying they liked it.
Another one also told me he had no idea what it was about.

I won't explain it- maybe its better as an enigma.

b.o.g.o.f.

I've never felt the urge to consume immediately whatever it is I'm buying in the supermarket- yet some people seem to find it impossible to wheel their trolley past a display of sausage rolls without grabbing one- unwrapping it and stuffing their fat jowly faces with the product- no wonder their offspring do the same thing with sugar laden chocolatey treats.

Of course, the middle and upper classes experience similar problems too, I expect...

Anyway- rant over. See this drawing- What do you think took longest to draw? I'll tell you- the yummy mummy's shoes- probably a day to get them right- I really need to learn to care a bit less-sigh.



nil desperandum

Cartooning can be a bit demoralising at times. You spend ages creating these rib tickling works of genius- only to have them crumpled up and thrown back at you by the all powerful magazine editor- what’s the matter with these people!?! Don’t they realise I spend literally minutes stealing ideas, and hoping no one will notice! (oops- ignore that last bit).

But- there are some discerning folk out there, so you just need to keep trying.

This cartoon was drawn in 2010- it’s only recently found a home- courtesy of those lovely Saga people.