Len Cartoons

o' nine tails

2012-02-10T19:58:00.001Z

Too many cats on this blog lately- so here's a cartoon without one (although there might be a ship's cat somewhere I s'pose)
This is one of two cartoons in the latest Private Eye magazine.

Jungle boogie

2012-02-01T21:26:00.000Z

Brrr! It's freezing!

A good excuse to post a cartoon drawn in sunnier times- one I couldn't sell.

Was inspired by the local council's attempt to disguise cost cuttings- grass verges and open spaces left unkempt and overgrown. Somewhere within the Triffid sized weeds you might spy a scruffy sign with the council logo, and the slogan 'encouraging biodiversity'.

win money

2012-01-22T21:54:00.000Z

Time to win money again, you lucky things.
One of my cartoons is being used for the current Reader's Digest competition 'Beat the Cartoonist'.
This is the cartoon

Competition is here
http://www.readersdigest.co.uk/caption.html
Good luck

Everyone's a critic

2012-01-20T21:40:00.000Z

Aggh!!!

This sketchy charcoal doodling is rubbish!

It makes me twist in critical rage and torment!

I must attack, and kill!

no signal

2012-01-16T22:38:00.000Z

here's a cartoon that did get accepted- in the latest issue of The Oldie

void

2012-01-11T21:52:00.000Z

The life of a cartoonist-It's not all champagne fuelled media parties, you know- with people saying "You are fab- have loads of money- now!"

Well- not all the time.

Sometimes we get our work thrown back at us, with 'this is rubbish!' writ across it- i.e. when our beloved creations get rejected by all the mags, and don't find a home.

Such as this one.

I really liked this cartoon- but I won't tell you what the punchline is...
Like an earlier blog post- can you come up with a witty caption??
(No prizes- sorry!)
I'll reveal my caption eventually- unless I forget-which is more than likely.

I'll get me lab-coat

2012-01-06T20:25:00.000Z

Hair care is a subject close to my heart- (I’m determined to look after the one I have left...)

This cartoon appeared in the The Spectator Australia.

I'm just surprised these chaps manage to invent anything- where'd they get their lab equipment from? 'My First Chemistry Set', from Toys R Us ?

Very poor, Len- very poor...

scribbling

2011-12-30T20:54:00.000Z

Hello- I'm still here- seems ages since writing my last bit of nonsense.
I blame the Winter solstice, and that other festival that happens around this time...umm...something to do with puddings, and cheap sofas at DFS, I think.
Anyway... I finally have a new computer! and a new monitor! woo!
So- what do I find myself doing? After having spent days setting up all my techie drawing gizmos-
I go back to drawing with old fashioned dip pens- (Hunt '102' Crow Quill dip pen, and Rowney Kandahar Indian ink, before you ask).
Sigh- ah, well- I’m sure the novelty will wear off soon- and once I’ve accidentally stabbed meself with the nib a few more times, it'll be back to the electronic drawing tablet.

I s’pose I should post a cartoon while I'm here- this one (drawn on the old PC) was in the Oldie magazine a month or so ago.

wibble

2011-12-18T20:35:00.000Z

Ever wanted to give up the rat race? Work from home?
So did I- had a go at it for about a year.

I ended up speaking to the pot plants.

This cartoon is in the current Reader's Digest.

awkward glance to camera

2011-12-11T17:28:00.000Z

A couple of cartoons in Private Eye-

This one drawn just before the computer went pop- haven't drawn anymore since.

Just as well it's Xmas- when the magazines seem to go into hibernation- so maybe they won't notice my lack of productivity for a bit. Hope to be back in the world of electronic gizmos soon, so with luck I won't have forgotten how to draw by then...

I'm sure the multi millionaire Ricky Gervais won't lose any sleep about this cartoon poking fun at his latest comedy on the BBC- I hear he's won awards n stuff- quite the success, apparently.

Look! The little bloke has fallen over! hahahahahahhaha!

Genius

fzzzt crackle bzzzz

2011-12-02T21:24:00.000Z

Bah- everything is still broken- and i've got a bad back- it's cold outside too.
But!
The Spectator has one of my cartoons this week- woo hoo!

Speaking of said magazine- was up in posh bit of London last week for a private view of an exhibition of Spectator cartoons- held at a small gallery just off Bond Street. The cartoons were all up for sale, and a couple of mine sold on the night- so maybe i'll be able to afford to buy a new computer and start drawing again soon.

Anyway...it was a good evening out- and i met quite a few fellow cartoonists- amazingly normal and a nice bunch of people (which is odd, when you look at our dark, bitter and twisted thoughts on paper)

have you tried turning it off and on again?

2011-11-28T18:48:00.000Z

my computer has gone bang...te one i use to draw my cartons-so i'm reduced to wrriting this bLog post on an old lllllllllllllllaptop###&.

Unlikelly ppp= tttthat i'll be drAwing much til i get a reppplacemnet.
Thaat ;l teach me to not use pens paper n ink.

a wizard idea...

2011-11-18T21:32:00.000Z

Lawks- I haven't posted for a while- mostly due to lack of published stuff.

I'm in the situation where quite a few cartoons have been taken by magazines, but they haven't found their way onto the printed page yet.

But this one did- phew...It's in the latest issue of Prospect magazine

I will explain it- cos I know you won't 'get' it (yes, you in the blue stripy shirt, and the stupid hair).

Anyway- it's about tales of famous writers who supposedly worked their way out of poverty by writing in coffee shops. Hey, here's an idea- don't go to coffee shops if you're hard up- Five quid for a coffee and a bun?

Pah!

Hmmm...

2011-11-04T19:10:00.000Z

From the latest issue of Saga magazine-

Yeah...I know, I know.
Not very PC.
But you know it's true.

(probably explains why I'm single...sigh)

cough, splutter

2011-10-27T14:51:00.000+01:00

More Private Eye at 50 celebrations last night- it was the birthday bash, held at the Guildhall, London.

Typically, it coincided with my first cold in 18 months- brilliant. My guest also had a cold. We arrived a bit late, and slumped on chairs near the back of the hall, taking bits and pieces of food and drink that was offered us by smiling teenagers.

Ah, well...maybe I'll be around for the 100th celebration.

This cartoon is in the current issue of Private Eye- it probably might not make much sense, unless you are familiar with the new spiky shaped office building going up in the middle of London.

Shoes

2011-10-23T23:52:00.001+01:00

This was supposed to be a clever cartoon- mixing caricature and oh so smart comment on celebrity and rubbish telly- it didn't sell of course.

Probably too blue...

I won't bother with the caption- But any idea who it's meant to be?

(No- it's not anyone from X factor)

PE V&A OK

2011-10-19T17:53:00.000+01:00

Much fun on Monday night- had an invite to the private view of the 'Private Eye- the first 50 years' exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. The exhibition is small but perfectly formed, and one of my cartoons has found its way on to a wall (no one noticed as I stuck it on with sticky tape).

It's on until 8th Jan, and is free admission- so go along and have a look.

Nice bit of crackling

2011-10-15T16:52:00.000+01:00

Other than this blog, I'm not much of a social networker- I do have a facebook and a twitter, but only rarely log on to them (although, I might be using them soon to show off about some upcoming events...)

Couldn't sell this cartoon- it might be cos I'm using out of date references- i dunno- does facebook still have that relationship status thing? Anyway- that's what this refers to.

"...just you, me, the Cat, and a lot of floating smegging rocks"

2011-10-07T19:43:00.000+01:00

Sorry for the lack of posts- i've been out tripping light speed with these guys- or maybe it was just that dodgy curry the other day...hmmm

This one is in this week's Spectator

Straight Outta Compton

2011-09-27T21:12:00.001+01:00

Warm and sunny day today, and a day off from turning computers off and on, so obviously I spent it indoors- at the Watts gallery in Compton, Surrey- not far from Guildford. This gallery, devoted to the Victorian artist George Frederic Watts, has recently been done up, and no longer has rain dripping through the broken roof- which I guess is a good thing- but in a way I sort of missed the decrepit charm that it used to have.

Here's a cartoon about art- it's in the latest issue of Prospect magazine.

Begone pigeon

2011-09-18T18:38:00.001+01:00

Blimey- finally finished a cartoon today- It's about time- must be down to lack of distracting pigeons outside (i think one of the neighbourhood cats has been on a killing spree).

You might have noticed I'm not exactly the most prolific of cartoonists- but looking at my records it appears I am lucky enough to have a fairly good hit rate when I do get round to drawing the bloody things- currently averaging 42.8 toons published per 100 drawn.

I guess almost 50% isn't too bad, is it??

Here's one I did earlier- In the latest issue of Saga magazine

bob state

2011-09-07T22:27:00.002+01:00

Almost drew a cartoon today- would have been the first one in about 2 months- but I was distracted by a pigeon in the back garden, so nowt came of it- but at least I thought about it, so it looks as if I might be finally breaking free from the Summer shackles of inspiration..woo!

Here's a cartoon I couldn't sell- I'm not going to include the caption- have a go at coming up with something yourself- If it's any good I might use it- and if it sells I won't credit you- because I'm mean.

Grrr!

(Update! A magazine asked for the toon today- woo hoo! I'll reveal the caption when it gets published)

(Update 2- this one finally made it in to print- my caption, as printed in Saga magazine is......"I'll have the happy meal")

Flippin' 'eck, Tucker

2011-08-31T18:12:00.000+01:00

Excellent! Summer is almost over!

If past years are anything to go by, this means that once the days get dark, cold and depressing I will start thinking of some cartoon ideas again- anything coming out in print at the moment was drawn ages ago- such as the two I currently have in Private Eye- here's one of them- to celebrate 'Back to School' time.

(That kid at the front of the class would be me- i have no idea how these new fangled gizmos work)

Dorian Gray

2011-08-29T19:36:00.000+01:00

Just started a self portrait-
Man, i'm good looking- not sure i should post the finished article- it'd just leave blokes feeling inadequate, and chicks might swoon

Cemetery Junction

2011-08-27T19:55:00.000+01:00

There are a load of identikit whiny voiced nu-folk indie kids on telly at the mo- the Reading Festival is on. I used to go to this event quite a lot- it being not very far away from Lencartoons Towers- and I used to like music back then. And then one year I came to the realisation that I had no idea who anyone was, and that I was in the middle of a field next to an industrial estate in Reading, breathing in smoke from a thousand fires fuelled by waxy paper beer cups- so I stopped going (oh, hang on- Madness have just come on...i wonder which farewell tour this is now??).

Anyway- As I shuffle around the living room in my slippers and cardigan, I wait for the X Factor to begin on the other side...

version 1.0

2011-08-18T19:10:00.001+01:00

Hello again- Thanks to those of you who said I should continue posting my nonsense- I do appreciate it. I don't know if other cartoonists go through periods of disliking what they're drawing...well, anyway- i do. I have decided to drop the cartoons for a bit, so that I can focus on teaching myself to draw and paint properly. I am now busy scribbling things that don't involve talking cats, psychotic pensioners or disaffected youths- and it's so much more enjoyable! I expect i'll get back to the toons again once I realise I need the extra money- but for now- here's an oldie, which i don't think i've posted previously...could be wrong though- it was in the Reader's Digest a year or so ago. (hope it comes out OK- I'm using a new editing thing in Blogger so that the pic appears the correct size)

blank

2011-08-11T22:20:00.003+01:00

Thinking of giving this blog up- it's had a good innings. Although it's probably just because i'm in the middle of a cartoon blank spell and have nothing to post

Dunno... we'll see.

Terminal velocity

2011-08-03T23:23:00.002+01:00

Woo! It’s holiday season! Summer's here!

So I'm told...I'm lucky if get 5 minutes away from my I.T. support basement to get a packet of crisps.
Still- who needs time off when you know you are making a difference- I mean, how will people print their monthly reports on widget production without toner?!

And anyway- aeroplanes scare me.

that's not singing, it's just speaking

2011-07-28T20:28:00.004+01:00

Really very bored with cartooning lately- I've only drawn about 5 in the past 2 weeks...I need a change.
Not sure what to do next- I’ll either conquer the contemporary art world, or revisit rock n roll. The music thing I should probably leave alone- I've done it once before, and you should never go back.
Myself and two chums had one gig only- in the dining room of my shared house (The landlady's elderly cat being the sole witness to the horrific spectacle). After realising the most talented member of the combo was the drum machine, we decided to split up.
Still- they say the brightest stars burn out the quickest, don't they?

This toon is in the current Prospect magazine (for those of you who don't get it I’ll explain when I see you next).

no animals were harmed in the drawing of this cartoon

2011-07-22T19:53:00.003+01:00

Couldn't sell this one- can't think why.

It's just a scratch

2011-07-15T23:05:00.007+01:00

Back in the days when everything was black and white- and multichannel TV meant you could get BBC2- us kids would leg it out of school at the end of a day of learning all about the new decimal coinage, and head towards the 'venture playground. This would be a fenced off section of municipal woodland, where untrained (if well intentioned) volunteers had cobbled together a youthclub shack and various death trap activities (rickety climbing frames, suicidal zip wires, unattended bonfires etc). The evenings wouldn't be judged a success unless someone had trodden upon an upright 6 inch rusty nail or summat.
These day its all risk assessed activity centres and bouncy woodchip flooring.
Sigh...what chance fun, eh?

This one I drew about 3 years ago (I'm not that happy with the 'bounce' effect, or the whizz lines- but Saga magazine liked it and it's in their latest issue.

Staple jelly

2011-07-08T18:00:00.003+01:00

This one, in the current Private Eye, in no way refers to anyone I have worked with- although, maybe...perhaps...some point back in the late 80's...hmm...???

a cartoon

2011-06-28T21:48:00.003+01:00

Crikey- I didn't half waffle on in that previous post, didn't I...

Here's a cartoon.

It's in the current Reader's Digest.

Cheers

go team go

2011-06-21T21:11:00.003+01:00

The court jester blocked my path- there seemed no way out.
To my left was Copenhagen- to my right, Paris- I towered above the streets- a colossus engaged in battle with evil.
A noise behind me- it was the giant Smurf- his bulk blocked the other end of the path.
All seemed lost. They knew I wouldn’t try to escape across the urban sprawl below me.
I had to keep to the one true path, and not sacrifice the tiny innocents that would be crushed beneath my M&S trainers should I try to run across the cities.
Seeing my predicament, the jester raised his head in triumph and laughed menacingly- the tinkling of the tiny bells in his jester hat adding a sinister, umm... something or other.
Without warning I span round and launched myself at the Smurf- he wasn’t expecting such a reckless move and seemed paralysed as I used his beer belly as a launching pad and jumped clear over his head.
I was away! Triumphantly I hurdled the security fence and was free! I ran and I ran and I ran- to the welcome and safety of The Castle.

Don’t worry, reader- I’m not on the cough medicine again- that was a dramatisation of when I objected to daft team-building games at Legoland- Forced against my will to go, I lasted about 30 minutes before skulking out of the emergency exit and heading off to one of Windsor's many fine pubs instead.

Here's a team building cartoon in this month's Prospect- you have to know that I've ripped off a painting called 'Raft of the Medusa' by Gericault- and that raft building is the cliché of team-building exercises.
Hope you like the pretty colours, even if you don’t find it funny.

it's got a good beat

2011-06-16T20:49:00.002+01:00

Ah, happy times…the British summer has burst into its rain sodden freezing cold glory- and yesterday was my annual visit to Royal Ascot, where I lost on every single race.
But, I don’t care- got a cartoon in print again after too long a gap- here it is in this week’s Spectator magazine-

Standoff

2011-06-10T21:35:00.001+01:00

from a bloke from Brazil...

2011-06-04T17:47:00.006+01:00

Finally had a couple of sales again- phew! But, as they won’t see print for a while here’s another one of my rejects. It’s probably one of those too much ink and not enough think cartoons- I like the drawing, but I guess the gag isn’t that great. Probably too niche for the non car mag market.

In case you don’t get it- look- there’s oil underneath the car- the bloke is talking about a British sports car (you know they don’t work- let’s be honest)- there’s a fan in the garden – their hair is blowing about!!
Oh, please yourselves.

Free parking just round the corner, mate

2011-05-29T17:03:00.005+01:00

Just saw a befuddled looking Ozzy Osbourne wandering along the High Street in Eton- with his missus, TV talent show judge Sharon steering him towards their enormo 4x4 (complete with parking ticket- ha ha).

He didn't ask for my autograph- does he have no idea who I am!?!

Anyway- an excuse for a quick caricature experiment

WinWinWin£££££££££££££££££££££££££££££'s

2011-05-27T17:21:00.008+01:00

Another chance this month for people to come up with a better caption than mine for one of my own cartoons (not a hard thing to do...)- the latest Reader's Digest has this one of mine in the new Beat The Cartoonist comp.

You'll find it here: http://www.readersdigest.co.uk/caption.html

Show me the Monet

2011-05-22T20:42:00.010+01:00

I'm still managing to keep up with my 'art for beginners' evening class. Last session was painting (oh dear). The thing I produced reminded me of what I used to do when I was in infants school-spilling poster paint and water all over the desk. Ho hum.

Today, not having any cartoon ideas in my head, I thought I'd have another go at art, but keeping within my limited skill set- so, here's a paint version of a design I created on the PC- it's that face thing I did a little while back- It's oil and acyrlic paints on canvas.

What the....?!!? That's not even my bloody cat! Damien Hirst had the right idea- where's me hacksaw and vat of formaldehyde?

title goes here

2011-05-19T18:25:00.002+01:00

Nothing much to see here- move along- nowt new in print right now, so rubbish rejected cartoon being posted just to prove I'm still around.

everyone's a critic

2011-05-13T19:22:00.003+01:00

Oh, the irony- i post yesterday about getting rejected- and today Blogspot has gone and deleted that post. I won't take it personally- It was a 'technical issue' at blogspot which affected loads of bloggers.
Not sure if I can be bothered to rewrite it- I'll wait n see if it reappears.

Roll on Winter

2011-05-12T18:13:00.000+01:00

Pah! Load of rejections this week- nothing being taken. Ah well, at least I'm being consistent with previous Spring/Summer months. Looking at my records I can see that May, June, July have always been pretty dry months cartoon wise. But, look on the bright side- having no money means I don't have to worry about what to do with it- result!!

This was one of my many rejections from the Spring-Summer doldrums 2 years ago

Giles Wemmbley-Hogg

2011-05-06T19:59:00.010+01:00

Here's the other cartoon I have in the Reader's Digest- don't even try to compete with my cartoon gag writing genius with this one- leave it ahht, you plum!

Many years ago I wandered about a few countries. I was one of those annoying people who, when asked what interests they had, would say stuff like, “yah, well, y’know, I’m a ‘traveller’- I’m into travelling.”
Pff!
Yeah- going on holiday- who doesn’t like doing that?
Eventually I realised it was all about one-upmanship, and how your journey to ‘The Beach’ had to be that bit more complicated and uncomfortable than your fellow traveller. Thankfully I came to my senses, and would still travel to ‘The Beach’, but I’d take a direct flight from Gatwick and rent a nice hotel room. I’d mix with Flossie and Charles from Marlborough ('yah, like, we've got this reeeely cool cheap hut to live in- it's in the middle of the garbage dump-just 3 rupees per week'), and be amazed at how they’d argue with the locals over the equivalent of 5 pence for their freshly cooked fish curry.
Oh, and the trendy parents dragging their poor infants about.. see above

Win things!

2011-05-02T12:28:00.004+01:00

Once again one of my cartoons is being used for the Reader’s Digest caption competition.
This is what they say on their website:

“Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the comedy experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in by 10th May alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite, and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive £100 and the original, signed drawing”

You’ll find the competition here
http://www.readersdigest.co.uk/caption.html

says nothing to me about my life

2011-04-28T21:10:00.005+01:00

I’m a bit rubbish at drawing. Without the aid of computer trickery and endless digital ‘undo’s’ my limitations are revealed. So, fed up with this inability to do stuff ‘live’, last night I started an evening class for Painting and Drawing. All I can say is that I will not be posting on this blog the abominations produced.

So- back to the cartoons- I have a couple in the current Private Eye- one ripping off a rather good artist, L.S.Lowry, and his scenes of working life in 1950’s Salford.
It’s a bit niche, this one- you have to know about how the BBC are moving some of their departments up to a new glossy location in Salford- and how some London based staff have been grizzling about it.
The magazine often pokes fun at media types, so I had a hunch they might publish it- and for once I was proved right.

No cartoon day

2011-04-22T20:42:00.008+01:00

It's the Easter holidays and loads of people I know are wandering around interesting places- Italy, Greece, Denmark...
Hah! Fools! I stayed at home and basked in the hottest day of the year so far- rounding the day off with a last minute barbecue, using one of those disposable things you get at the supermarket.
Things went downhill rapidly- I hadn't taken into account the creatures from down the road.

Ninjas at two O'clock.

Classic pincer movement- confuse the enemy (me)

Attack! Attack! Attack!

I couldn't eat another thing.

Yum- thanks- but more chicken next time- cheers.

Strange fruit

2011-04-14T18:43:00.005+01:00

Plink plinky plink plink, goes the ukulele- there's a bit of whistling too usually. The advert on the telly then shows an animated strawberry and/or banana pirouetting about, as a bland non threatening voiceover artist says something irritating like "Hullo. Fruit is ace. Honest. We thought we'd share our love of fruit with you. Here’s a drink we made by squishing fruits- Hope you like it (simper). We make it in a shed in our garden. Look, a fluffy bunny hops about the garden. It thinks fruit is rather ace too, don't you, fluffy wuffy? Tra la la- hello trees, hello sky..."
Plink plinky plink plink...

Pah!
We all know what the truth is - we all know that MegaChemGloboFoodIncCorp Industries(Brazil) bought you out years ago.

(This one made its way into the Australian version of The Spectator magazine.)

This ain't Rock n Roll, this is...

2011-04-06T18:32:00.005+01:00

Got home from work early today- it's nice and sunny so I thought I'd have a hack at the overgrown garden. Five minutes later I got bored and tired and had a cup of tea instead.

More exciting instalments to come later, thrillseekers!

I see trees of green, red roses too

2011-03-31T18:38:00.003+01:00

The clocks have gone forward and now the evenings are lighter- Summer is on its way. Sigh...
I'm not happy. I prefer the long dark tea time of the soul that Winter provides- dark moods and being stuck indoors seem to make for better cartoon thinking. Now it's BST I fear I'm at the beginning of another 'can't think of any ideas' period.
Here's a cheery cartoon about the destruction of the planet- in this week's Spectator magazine.

Zoinks!

2011-03-27T16:10:00.004+01:00

Ha-that'll teach me.

My 2nd hand Grundig cathode ray tube telly is not well- it comes on- it goes off- it comes on- it goes off... an electronic death rattle I think. And this is just days after I posted that cartoon taking the mick out of flat screen tellies.

I fear I have upset the gods of technology (but you'd think they'd have better things to do than irritate a penniless cartoonist- losers!)

Why Don't You

2011-03-24T21:33:00.003Z

Too tired to write my usual load of waffle- anyway, here's a cartoon in this week's Spectator magazine.

Quite like the style with this one, even if I do say so myself- sometimes it's good to lose perspective.

Royale with cheese

2011-03-18T21:17:00.006Z

This one, in the latest Spectator, I will explain- just in case anyone from beyond these shores is puzzling over it.
Back in the olden days, us scruffy urchins would go into the local newsagents and ask for a quarter of sweets (or 'candy', if that's your persuasion) - the quarter referring to a quarter of a pound (the unit of weight, not the currency, kids). Sherbet lemons were one of my faves, but blackcurrant and liquorice humbugs were rather good too. The cheery shop worker would pour out the confection from its jar onto a set of rusty scales, and then pop the correct weight of tooth rot into a paper bag- happy times.

As the years passed such sweet shops disappeared- but for some reason they're experiencing a bit of a renaissance these days. Most high streets seem to have them now- all olde fashioned shoppe signs, plastic versions of the glass jars, and authentic bored teenagers staffing the counter.
But, you just try and ask for a 'quarter'- I tried not long ago, and was immediately thrown to the ground by an armed response unit from the Trading Standards weights and measures department:
"DON'T MOVE! HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM! YOU WILL NOT ASK FOR FOODSTUFFS IN IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS! THIS IS A METRIC SOCIETY!"

a hundred years ago

2011-03-11T20:05:00.004Z

It's been a bit of a cartoon up n down week for me- I've had quite a few takes by some mags, but they might not appear for some time- there have also been a fair number of rejections, and I'm not sure if I’m in any of the magazines at the moment- so... it's time for a dip into the archives (you lucky people).
I think the cartoon below was my first ever appearance in Private Eye- 1998 I believe.

This is pre computer drawing-I think I used a quill, and ink brewed up from powdered oak gall.
I cringe looking at the style I used then, but the joke is still one of my favourites. After this was published I pretty much gave up cartooning and only started up again in 2008- somehow I've managed to keep going this time.

OK, right, what it is, right, is, y'know, she's saying...

2011-03-04T20:00:00.004Z

Surely I don't have to explain this one...?!?!

Drew this back in 2009 and it's only just been accepted and published- never give up, fellow gag cartoonists.

nothing to do with me, guv

2011-02-25T21:26:00.003Z

Regular readers of this blog might have spotted a pattern- if I haven't much in print to show off about I put up one of my rejects- a cartoon I like but which never found a buyer- just to keep the blog going really, and prove I'm still here (hello!).
If I was one of those proper bloggers I'd write about other things cartoon related and not just my own stuff...

Here's a cartoon I couldn't sell.

but what would I know

2011-02-16T20:39:00.003Z

Us gag cartoonists often moan about the mystery behind the decision making minds of the magazine cartoon editors- why can't they recognise the genius behind this joke!?
Well- I sometimes think this anyway- I probably shouldn't speak for all the other cartooners.
But then, I can be a terrible editor too. Often I only throw in a cartoon to make up the numbers in a batch of gags- just to make it look less threadbare. And then I find that space filler is accepted, while all the brilliant award winning stuff (in my opinion) goes in the bin.
This is what happened with this one, which found its way into the latest Private Eye- it was a last minute scribble at about midnight. Hmmm...maybe I should do more nocturnal doodlings.

Starring Corey something or other

2011-02-13T20:58:00.008Z

Radical new type of cartoon for me- first double panel one- it’s in the current Spectator. Was inspired at Xmas, when telly seems to have loads of films on that won’t frighten granny, or upset the hamster. They’re either about talking alien cats from planet Disney, or 1980’s time traveling teenagers- all aimed at nostalgic parents, and of absolutely no interest to little Josh or Charlotte.

"It says it's a film the whole family can enjoy."

Customer is obviously over 25 (the old git)

2011-02-04T19:59:00.004Z

Bah! The 5 year old computer I use to draw my cartoons with has gone wobbly. This has coincided with another fallow period of ideas, so in a way it's no great drama that I have to wait for a part to be delivered via the 2nd longest river in the world.
Thankfully, these days I don't rely on the income from cartoons to pay for my pot noodle habit, so I won't starve. But, there was a time when I gave being a full time cartoonist a go- If I’d lost the computer then I would have been a bit more panicky than I am now.
Another downside of home based self employment was the solitude- at that time my only social contact was at the local supermarket for my daily shop- my cartoon output at that time seemed to contain a lot of shop based ideas.
This never found a buyer:

3 legged cat might bite

2011-01-29T15:09:00.004Z

Last month was quite good for me - I had quite a lot of stuff in print.
The next few weeks won't be so good, mostly due to procrastination, laziness and no ideas- but I was cheered to see The Week magazine ('the best of British and foreign media') had chosen one of my gags from Private Eye for this week's er...The Week. They'd squished it into a 4cm wide column, so here it is in all its widescreen High Definition glory.

ergonomic lighting pod

2011-01-25T22:04:00.004Z

How does the creative process work? I'm not really sure. For me sometimes the cartoon muse drops an idea on my head at random times- with no obvious reason how or why. But there are times when I set aside a couple of hours after work, with no radio or TV distractions, and attempt to have a thinking session. It's not easy whatever way I try. What seems like genius at 11.30 pm is revealed in the cold light of the next day as 3rd rate tat.
I could never do this to order, like some people do in 'creative departments'- Those that can, and make a regular living from it, I envy. So, my way of getting over that, as I seethe in bitter resentment, changing photocopier toner cartridges, is to poke fun at them instead.
This is in The Spectator-

PING!

2011-01-19T21:33:00.004Z

Technology- pah!
OK, so it enables me to draw cartoons a bit better than with pen n ink, but it is also the source of much headache and irritation in the day job. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. I shall say no more about that, other than, AGGHHHH!!!!!
OK- that's out of the way...and breathe...
2 cartoons in the new Private Eye- woo! One was drawn last year in April, so that was a nice surprise to see it hadn't been lost- t'other is this one, drawn just last week.

Yeah- take that, processed food industry, and lazy parenting!

Priorities

2011-01-12T19:15:00.003Z

What's that all about then? When someone opposite you on the train starts flapping about how, "Ooh, I can't sit facing the wrong way! Do you mind changing seats? ooh, ahhh oohh !!"
What!? Why? Is your head going to explode? Brain can't process the fact you're going backwards?
pff!

(yes, I know the signature is getting a bit too large- This one is in the current issue of the Oldie, but it was drawn some time ago- I've calmed down a bit more recently)

It's all about...........timing

2011-01-02T15:31:00.003Z

One of the reasons I tend to steer clear of topical cartoons is because stuff changes too quickly- I drew this one a couple of weeks ago, but now as I look out the window at the green expanse of a dry(ish) garden, it's already out of date- curse you warmer weather and your thawing properties!

(er..I'm not sure if it's obvious, but that's meant to be snow these ladies are walking through)

I only sent it to one of the mags- we'll see if it appears- if not I guess it can go into digital storage until the next chilly spell.

'Tis I, LeClerc

2010-12-30T21:32:00.002Z

Thought I’d have another go at some none cartoony drawing this week- here's one of the efforts- it's an attempt at a fashion type illustration- although it's probably more René from ‘Allo ‘Allo than René Gruau.

It’s done using an inky digital pen on the PC- any attempts to use real brushes ink and paper leave me looking like I’ve done battle with an octopus.

Ctrl Alt Delete

2010-12-23T19:02:00.006Z

Do kids still get bikes as presents these days? Or are they really all gadget addicted gameheads- venturing beyond their darkened rooms only when the craving for pizza gets too much? Probably not- but such stereotypes I help to encourage with the following- in the Xmas issue of Private Eye.

I never intended this as a Christmas cartoon- the original has a banner above the doorway with 'Happy Birthday' writ upon it- the Ed decided that it would fit in the Christmas edition, and so they scrubbed the banner- I hope it's still obvious that it's meant to be a present

Getting plastered

2010-12-19T22:00:00.004Z

This one was a surprise- The absurdity of the idea tickled me, but the subject is rather obscure so I wasn't sure anyone would take it- but, Reader's Digest did, and it's in the latest issue.
Have I ever mentioned that I once did a bit of studying of art history, and some of that in Florence? (Yes, several times- shut up!)
The Palazzo Vecchio in that town is a rather marvellous building- most people might recognise it as the place where Anthony Hopkins killed the Italian police chief in the movie Hannibal-but it is also where some people believe, hidden behind frescoes in one of the halls, is a long lost masterpiece by Mr Da Vinci.
So- here's my take on it.

The Palazzo Vecchio has a lot of things worth seeing that aren't hidden- I particularly liked the map room, which contains maps for the world as it was known in the 16th century. I was rather taken by the map of the UK, and how, for some reason, one of the most prominent towns marked on it was Basingstoke. I thought that perhaps the Medici family were shareholders in the AA (the Automobile Association headquarters being based there). But then one of my chums who seems to be an expert in that metropolis pointed out that it was probably to do with the wool industry at the time- but he's originally from Norfolk so he can't be trusted.

Keeping things in perspective...

2010-12-16T22:36:00.002Z

I think I’m finally getting the hang of this cartooning lark- it's only taken 20 odd years.
I've managed to get another one of the cartoon clichés into print. So far I've had the desert island and psychiatrist gags- but now I can also introduce the 'businessman on a window ledge'.
This one's in the latest issue of Prospect magazine.

Idiocracy

2010-12-10T21:29:00.003Z

My hometown is a rather average sort of place- not a lot happens- a few movies have been filmed here, but other than that life carries on in its unremarkable kind of way. Pop down to the local shopping precinct, and huddled within the 60's brutalist architecture you'll find groups of the new young hip generation, and their offspring.
They get a bit of bad press, these unemployed youths and their hundreds of children, but I don't know why- after all, isn't there some statistic about how the population is getting older, and this is a 'bad thing'? These guys are trying to make a difference- they should be applauded!
This one’s in the latest Spectator magazine.

ho, ho...er... ho

2010-12-03T20:05:00.001Z

Christmas comes but once a year...
October through to December it seems, if you look at the shops.
So- to keep up with how the modern world works, here's a Christmas cartoon 3 weeks ahead of schedule- It's in the latest Reader's Digest.

Bin there done that

2010-11-25T22:00:00.003Z

Mankind stopped being hunter-gatherers for a reason- it's so much easier to go to the local shops and pick up a meal you can zap in the microwave- which gives you more time to watch cooking programmes on telly.
And yet some people still persist in picking stuff off the floor and eating it- when I were a lad that was called being a tramp- these days it's middle class and known as 'foraging'.
This one is in the latest Private Eye.

Hand Held in Black and White

2010-11-17T19:09:00.004Z

The zombie was in front of me at the supermarket self service checkout- there had been a promotional discount on brains at the fresh meats counter- all the local undead were stumbling over themselves to take advantage. This one was getting on my nerves though- kept dropping his change as he tried to insert payment into the automatic till. Honestly, some of them could be worse than pensioners.
I pulled out the phased plasma rifle (in the 40-watt range) and took aim...SHTOOOOMMMM!!!
"Unexpected item in bagging area..." said the self service machine- I kicked the zombie's corpse to one side and scanned my items...Yorkie chocolate bar...bip!; packet of dream topping...bip!

What I have described above is what I imagine computer games are like these days- I don't really know- I gave up on them years ago- but it's the impression I got from the slack jawed chumps I used to work with (hello!), and their "ooh- look- I’ve pre ordered 'Dance Zombie II- The Apocalypse'- it looks ace!"

Here's a cartoon I couldn't sell-

The Great Egg Race

2010-11-09T21:16:00.002Z

I'm not the first cartoonist called Len- there was one knocking around 15th century Tuscany. Leonardo Da Vinci's cartoon of the Virgin and Child (National Gallery, London) is a nice drawing, but I've never got the joke.
He wasn't bad at painting I suppose, but what's all that about him being a genius inventor, designing machines ahead of his time?

Boo!

2010-10-31T19:52:00.002Z

Arrr- 'tis All Hallows Even- that ancient festival from ye olden dayes, celebrating the hollowing out of pumpkins.
Here's a cheery cartoon about death to mark the occasion (to be found in the latest Private Eye)

Toot

2010-10-26T21:27:00.004+01:00

Did a lot of wandering at the weekend- came home via Waterloo railway station. The stage play of 'The Railway Children' is being put on at the old Eurostar terminal- complete with steam train. I'm not sure I've seen the film in its entirety- certainly never read the book- but here's my version of it anyway- was printed some time back.

Eh?

2010-10-15T22:31:00.003+01:00

There I was, moaning about being unable to think of captions for some cartoons, and then Private Eye go and print one of my rare caption less cartoons.
Here it is- from the latest issue-

I think there might be a bit of 'I don't get it' reaction with this one.
It's not that deep- honest.
Or is it...??
I don't know.
Or do I...??
(Enough)

It's my blog and i'll post what i want to

2010-10-13T11:22:00.003+01:00

No cartoons today- instead a pic from a gardening day when it was unseasonably sunny at the weekend. Two Doors Away Cat came over to lend a paw's help...

I dunno

2010-10-06T20:42:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I come up with an idea, and think of a suitable picture, but in the end can't add a snappy and witty caption.
I was reading once about how some brainy female graduates can earn more being a pole dancer in Exclusive Establishments for the Discerning Gentleman (refitted pub on the outskirts of Slough), than they could in industry.
Cue thoughts of someone not wanting to 'climb the greasy pole', so they ended up a dancer.
I know I know- bit corny, but I thought it might work-it didn't- I couldn't sell it.
Here’s the pic- just an excuse to post a picture of some foxy chicks really...

Make up your own caption.

It might be that climbing the greasy pole only refers to politics? I dunno- I thought it meant climbing the corporate ladder too- I should really do some research before attempting to do funny.

Not funny- official

2010-09-26T15:33:00.005+01:00

Well- Once again I've been proved less funny than the readers of The Reader's Digest-My original caption for the following cartoon came third in the recent 'Beat The cartoonist' competition.
An explanation of the rules again- the cartoon was published without my caption- Readers are asked to come up with their own- the best 3 or 4, I’m not sure exactly, are put up against my (anonymous) caption- then people vote for their favourite.
The one voted best was:
"You know the old saying- use it or lose it."

My original was "I've cleared away all the cushions and stuffed toy animals- it appears we've never had a bed."

Now, initially I thought, yes, the winner's was probably better- but, then I thought, 'NO!'.
The readers are tagging a gag onto a situation where they know the bed is missing-but they don’t give a reason as to why it's not there- why are this couple just accepting the empty space? Why, readers, why?!
My one at least has some logic behind it.
Yeah- mine was best- shut up.

Vesta Chow Mein

2010-09-19T16:17:00.002+01:00

My lack of drawing over the summer has resulted in very little being published recently- but here's one that's just come out- was drawn some time back.

(I was going to make some comment about how they've let themselves go, and name check some female cooks- but other than Nigella and Delia I couldn't think of a third one...
Rustie Lee? Blimey, that was a while back though)

pest

2010-09-12T18:48:00.005+01:00

Things might be looking up -I think I’ve been too moany lately- oh, the pain of the artist as he struggles to create magnificent art...
Berk.
The sun's been shining- I’ve drawn some cartoons- BBC6 Music is playing more bonkers music (well done BBC bosses for making the decision not to close the station down!)- And a new cat has appeared- to be known as TDAC (Two Door's Away Cat).
He's a bit of a pest, and won't replace NDC, but he makes me laugh- even when he's eyeing up my grub, as per this pic...

15 minutes

2010-09-11T11:05:00.003+01:00

The life of a cartoonist is one of non stop parties, red carpets and champagne- Thankfully the typical cartoonist appearance of hideous troll means we're not bothered by the paparazzi too much.
At least we don't have to worry about coping when our starlight begins to fade.
This one is in the Spectator.

Up to you how deep the message- is it why they're still a couple? Maybe Mr Footie is pondering the meaning of life?

You can't take it with you

2010-09-07T21:49:00.004+01:00

I've slowly been trying to get back into the drawing thing- I haven't been that happy with how my 'style' was developing- So I've been trying to get into a loose, more flowing and simpler way of drawing.
Maybe the ideas will flow easier too.
The following is another one of those toons which is full of drawing, but I’m not sure about the joke- Seems neither were the cartoon editors, cos I haven't been able to sell it.
I'm relying on people recognising that it's the moment when Tutankhamun's tomb was opened up by Howard Carter - and also that it was in a bit of a messy state- well, anyway, whatever.

R.I.P. N.D.C.

2010-09-01T22:01:00.002+01:00

Next Door's Cat is no more-I had it confirmed that he was put down last month-I had my suspicions- he didn't look well when I saw him last.
He could be a bully, but was also a bit of a softie- most of the time when he snuck into my house he'd curl up and have a nap on the rug.
An excuse to repeat the drawing I made of him last year.

KAPOW! BLAAM! AIIEEE!

2010-08-28T20:15:00.011+01:00

Another day in London, and to avoid the crowds that were being thrown out of the British Museum due to a fire alarm, I took refuge in a comic book store. I've mentioned before on the blog how I don't 'get' comics/graphic novels, so I thought I’d give them another go and have a browse. Unfortunately I think I picked up the same book over and over again, but they all had different titles and covers- odd.
I then saw some original artwork on a wall, with a brief explanation of the writer's vision-I had high hopes- surely something different and original to justify the exhibition of work- let's see..."blah blah, cyber punk pirates, blah blah, post apocalyptic New York..."
Oh, for f....
OK- so, there might one day be some natural or man made apocalypse- but, do you know what it would look like? What shops would be looted? The big ones- like Tesco and Marks and Spencer’s- the post apocalyptic world will be all Blue Harbour elasticated denim slacks, and Florence and Fred pastel cardigans.
Where do these cyber goth pirate punks get their outfits? Do they spend all their time with sewing kit and scissors- feverishly sewing on studs and sequins- I expect they get their mums to do it for them.

Rant over- here's my only comic book related drawing so far- was published a week or so ago.

Stick around

2010-08-27T21:09:00.003+01:00

Not posted much recently, so here's another head-on-a-stick cartoon to make up for it- to be seen in the current Reader's Digest.

Lady Marmalade

2010-08-14T12:00:00.003+01:00

Finally, after two and a half months of not thinking of cartoon ideas, I've managed to come up with some stuff and send them off to one of the mags. They were rejected, but at least I'm drawing again. Interestingly (to me anyway), I was told by the Ed that a fellow cartoonist had got in before me with a toon similar to one of mine. This is why I tend to steer clear of topical stuff- too much competition. Anyway- here's the one I came up with...

one more than 99

2010-08-12T20:36:00.002+01:00

I noticed the other day that I'd reached the 99th blog post- so, what to do for the 100th?
As Mike Yarwood used to say-

"and this is me..."

It used to be all slums round 'ere

2010-08-09T19:07:00.002+01:00

I had a wander around London at the weekend- up to Hackney/Hoxton- it's where a lot of creative types live- I wonder why creatives all strive to look the same, eat in the same caff's and ride the same distressed bicycles. I suppose being creative is so exhausting you can't extend that creativity to being an individual. I’m not sure I fitted in. I can't squeeze into skinny jeans- stripey shirts make me look even fatter- I threw away my National Health spectacles before they became ironically hip.
I left the creatives to creatively bathe in their collective creative aura, and headed off to Hackney City Farm to say hello to the farm animals and the 3 leggedy cat. They were cool, and they weren't even trying.

Ah well- it's all about image and fitting in I suppose- every generation has their tribes...which brings me, rather clunkingly, to this cartoon in last week's Spectator.

Così fan tutte*

2010-08-06T13:45:00.003+01:00

Unlike most cartoonists I don't go beyond the magazine 'gag' market, which is rather limited in the UK- so I was pleased to recently find another magazine that does take gags- and even more pleased with them taking some of mine-here's one (biting satire it is not...)

*i'm sure they're not really

Win things

2010-08-02T20:15:00.005+01:00

It's that time again where I try to explain the rules to the Reader's Digest 'Beat the Cartoonist' competition- cos one of my cartoons has been used for the current one.
If you go to their website you can see the following cartoon (drawn a while back when I used pen n paper instead of computers)- my original caption is not shown. Readers can come up with their own caption- 3 of the best suggestions are eventually posted online along with my (anonymous) caption. People then vote on the best one. Does that make sense? It's all explained better on their website:

http://www.readersdigest.co.uk/caption_contest.php

Where'd I put that trumpet?

2010-07-27T19:56:00.003+01:00

As mentioned previously, I’m stuck beneath the weight of a creative block right now. So, I was rather encouraged to find myself mentioned in the introduction to the Spectator magazine's cartoon special (8 page section in the current mag). It's a selection of some of the best cartoons from the last decade, and quite understandably, when looking at the brilliant cartoonists featured, none of mine were included. But...! In the introduction by cartoon editor Michael Heath, where many of the gag cartoon greats get thanked for their contributions, he also writes, "Readers should keep a lookout for the smart new kids on the block: Len, Wilbur and Murray."
I ought to stay cool and aloof, but...Woo yay!!

Oh, and on top of that, the same magazine has used one of my cartoons in a set of greeting cards currently advertised for sale within their pages. It’s a colour version of this one.

Beautiful plumage

2010-07-25T18:13:00.003+01:00

Thought of this one ages ago- Inspired after I put out some bird feeder things when that 3 inch dusting of snow managed to cripple the country.
It's in the current Spectator magazine.

Pensioners- beware them! Who knows what goes on behind that blue rinse...

You're gonna need a bigger boat

2010-07-19T22:58:00.003+01:00

Still haven't thought of any new cartoons- think it's the 8th or 9th week of blankness. I blame the summer-I’m out surfing and beach partying all the time. I can't be stuck indoors thinking of silly pictures when there are rays to catch...
Still got a few doing the rounds though, and this one appears in the current Spectator.

In the mag the colours have gone a bit wonky though- the sharks are pink. I probably shouldn't worry too much about realism-I don’t think in real life sharks speak English and have middle class concerns about ‘seasonal foods'.

It's OK, I'm a professional

2010-07-15T19:39:00.003+01:00

I'm very sad- Almost as sad as this Sad Kitty...
I broke my laptop the other day- My nice Sony Vaio.
It had a bug in it- literally. A small crawling insect was inside the screen.
I waited until it crawled beyond the edge of the visible screen and 'squished' the surrounding case, to try and end its stupid crawly life.
"Crack!" went the screen.
"Oh Bol**cks!" went I.
20 odd years I've been in IT support- you can't buy talent like mine.

Anyway- Sad Kitty was an attempt to come up with some sort of design to put on T Shirts and Mugs. I uploaded some images to one of those online 'print on demand' services. For those who don't know- people look at the online shop, choose a design and get it printed on mugs etc and receive it by post. I used to have a link to it on this blog. I stopped promoting it after I found out that after postage and packaging costs a single mug would be about 20 quid. I felt a bit ashamed at expecting people to shell out that much, so I haven't bothered with it again. The products are still up there though, and I think 2 items have been sold-netting me a grand total of £1.50 in profits.
Who needs a pension, eh

It's an enigma, Matron, an enigma

2010-07-09T21:53:00.004+01:00

Here you go- one with not as much ink as the previous one, but it got published (in the current issue of Prospect), so I suppose there must be more think behind it. You can always rely on the old clichés with cartoons- desert islands, psychiatrists, and the lesser spotted ‘person in full body cast in traction’.
It's sort of about how stuff goes 'viral' on the internet-and one person’s pain is another person's entertainment n all that. Who was it who said- “If I fall over it's a tragedy- if you fall over it's comedy."
??

I’ve no idea if these sort of body casts and traction things exist in real life- I get all my knowledge of medical procedures from the Carry On films.

Less Ink More Think

2010-07-02T21:29:00.003+01:00

I believe it was the cartoon editor of The New Yorker who once said, "It’s not the ink—it’s the think that makes a cartoon."

Well, I think I've used too much ink in this one- I couldn't sell it, despite hearing that people liked the drawing.

It's supposed to be about the cheesy glossy mags, and celebs selling their images for people to drool over. But, the reference is probably too obscure- After all, how many people these days are aware of the Cottingley Fairies scam from 1917?

OK Brain. I Don't Like You And You Don't Like Me...

2010-06-25T19:56:00.004+01:00

Hmm... It's been a month now since I've thought of, and drawn, a cartoon.
Perhaps I'm going to enter one of my 10 year cartoon hibernation periods.
Today I took the day off from trying to upgrade email server antivirus solutions, in an attempt to have a thinking day. But, the sunny weather meant I ended up wandering along the Thames path near Marlow. V nice, but I didn't feel inspired cartoon-wise.
And now the BBC has wall to wall coverage of the Glastonbury festival- not much chance of me sitting down and thinking funny while that's on.
Ah well- Perhaps I shouldn't dwell too much on it. I still have a few toons doing the rounds, and some I drew a while back are just coming out in print.

Here's one in this week's Spectator

It's all in the breeding

2010-06-19T20:30:00.000+01:00

Last day of the Royal Ascot races today. I went on Wednesday, and have decided that giving money to bookies is not a good thing. Still, despite managing to pick the horse that would come last in every race I had a good time. It's an excuse to dress up (I put on my best dungarees) and watch the pure bred fillies trot around.

Here's one...

The 27 Club

2010-06-14T19:42:00.003+01:00

'The Week' has chosen some of my cartoons again. Just to explain, in case you haven't seen an earlier post about The Week- they pick out bits of the world's media and condense it into one handy publication, which comes out every, er...week. I had no idea they'd chosen them. I only found out after I queried a mystery payment (which is going to come in handy in a couple of days time when I throw money at lame racehorses).

Here's one of the gags, which was originally in Prospect.